J Wept.

Jesus wept.

Short, to the point. Perhaps poetic…perhaps…
Mostly for the Jesus part and less about the weeping.

Johnpaul wept.

See…not that interesting. Here the tears overshadow the man.
And no one is turning the page.

Jesus probably did a lot of things (assuming he did any at all)
But, “Jesus threw a blanket on the back of a donkey, got a boost from Thomas, hopped up, and rode off into the sunset” is far to mouthy. Even if he was weeping the entire time.

Jesus hopped.

That’s how I would tell the story if I were a first century writer pretending to know him.
“Keep it vague”, I would say to myself, “let the reader decide why”. But I don’t know him.
And won’t pretend as such.

J Wept.

You’ll never find a thing like today

“So lets run

Make a great escape

And I’ll be waiting outside for the getaway

It doesn’t matter who we are

Well keep running through the dark

And all we’ll ever need is another day

We can slow down cause tomorrow is a mile away

And live like shooting stars

Cause you can wish away forever

But you’ll never find a thing like today

Eden / End Credits

There is something about being young, 16-18 years old I would guess based on the number of texts and FaceTime. We talk about today as though it’s all that matters. Tomorrow is just another today. And in each moment…perfection. Everything feels so right. Warm touch, beautiful smile, laughter…so much laughter…and tears. It’s real. Authentic. Honest. Vulnerable.

And I am broken. And she is hurting. Pain has a way of baring your soul to the world in the most vulnerable fashion. And so, when two broken souls connect, the vulnerability that is shared is magical. It’s freeing. And that is what relationships should be…freeing, empowering, supportive, and never ever trapped. Let loose…never bind. And yes! Us. Because we are vulnerable, because we are hurting. Because we are broken. BUT…we won’t hurt forever. One day we will heal and when that day becomes will we lock our vulnerability up with it?

JP: “I’m not being naive but naive is right around the corner”.

M: “The whole thing about naive is that you don’t know…so…”

JP: “but I’m telling you I’m not being naive”

M: “because you wouldn’t know if you were”

And he’s right. And still he offers no answer to the question “what should I do then”? I know the answer. The answer is today. Everyday. Because connection. Because friendship. Because comfort. Because love. Because cheese platters and Hubcap. Because Court Jester and Donald Miller. Because Michael W Smith and Magic 8 Ball. Because Tigers.
Because today. Because everyday.  You. Always you.
And tommorow? It’s just another today…

You’ll never find a thing like today

Hurting. Healing. Hurting.

People who are hurting want to believe the worst.
People who are healing need to believe the best.

And it seems I spend most of my time somewhere in between. Hurting. Healing. Hurting. Healing. Effing up. Healing. Healing. Healing. Effing up again. Hurting. Healing.

And lately, and I mean quite a good few weeks lately, I’ve believed the best about T. And that is a good sign of healing. And I’m still hurting.

Every time I convince myself that I’m over the hurt I get a solid gut punch to the stomach. And lately, and I mean quite a good few weeks lately, the pain has been short lived before it has turned to life. I’m not sure entirely what I mean by that so…let’s see…

Pain becomes Sadness becomes Neutral becomes Optimism. In the optimism I find joy and then the cycle starts again. Life.

I hate pain. Emotional pain specifically. Physical pain I can tolerate…when something in my body hurts I tend to know exactly what is wrong and how I can fix it. Emotional pain I often don’t even recognize until it’s got me hurting so bad I just want to roll up in a big old ball and cry. Which is often exactly what I need to do.

“Life is pain, highness, anyone who says differently is selling something”
-The Princess Bride

And in pain there is often beauty. And if I can figure out how to accept my pain I’ll be much better off. But that is easier said than done. So for now, for today, I’ll focus on the joy that optimism has brought to my life. And I’ll smile. Because despite what you may have heard…today is a great day.

Hurting. Healing. Hurting.

I Can’t Make You Love Me

“Turn down the lights, turn down the bed, turn down these voices inside my head. Lay down with me, tell me no lies, just hold me close, don’t patronize…don’t patronize me.

I’ll close my eyes, then I won’t see, the love you don’t feel when you’re holding me. Morning will come and I’ll do what’s right just give me till then to give up this fight…

…and I will give up this fight.

Here in the dark, in these final hours, I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power. But you don’t. No you wont.

Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t. If you won’t.”

  • Bonnie Raitt
I Can’t Make You Love Me