rain

There’s something broken in me
Something small that hurts large
It barely takes a breath to knock me to my knees

I am broken.

It’s a hurt, a pain, and years of memories. 
The difference between “i love you” and “I’m in love with you”
has little to no meaning.

Love doesn’t matter. Love was meaningless.
all that remains is all that breaks
my heart. my soul. my life…

I hate this brokeness…caused by love…caused by your rejection. 

So i look back. to go back. to see the path and repair what remains
yet back looks black and
back is black and white

i can see clearly now
picture perfect rain is falling down
i look back and see nothing
i look forward but am blind
rain is the only direction i see

down.

rain

Waves

i sense a distance growing between us
as the waves of childish passion recede
we are still standing on the shore
together
and healing

it feels appropriate to move to the side
giving each other space
to grow. hurt. heal.

and the great things about waves
they always return
and we will still be standing
healthier. peaceful.

alone or together. in strength

Waves

Intimacy

Our intimacy is so much more than sex. So much so that I don’t think it can be stopped. Even completely separated, severed from seeing, being, talking, texting the intimacy stays. That is what is so beautiful about our friendship…relationship…our love. As I lay in bed last night, reflecting on the beauty of our day and knowing that you were miles away, in an argument that would most likely put an end to our sexual intimacy…i could feel you. I was, once again, comforted by you, despite being alone…and I wanted so badly to be a comfort to you in your time of stress.  A beautiful paradox. Complicated. Yes, so very complex and so very beautiful. Me wanting you and having you yet at the same time stepping back? Not back…not yet. I step to the side because that is what today requires. And my heart is full knowing that someday we will either rejoin each other physically or we will settle in to be the best of friends and in both we will fill each other with joy. We will comfort and laugh and cry and we will be.

Sex is an amazing expression of passion but not sex…that just might be even more intimate.

You can have love without passion and passion without love, as their defining characteristics are commitment and lust, but what about intimacy? Intimacy is the joining of commitment with passion to create a deeper connection than either love or lust can fulfill. Intimacy stands on it’s own…in all forms, everything, present or not, you. Always you.

Or perhaps intimacy is simply two souls recognizing their brokenness yet forever committed to each other, for each other.  Perhaps it is all a dream.

And what of love? And why do we fear it? Why do we hold off on even saying the word? A fearful love is not. It’s something other…a failure in waiting…time ticking away the seconds towards inevitable pain. And yes, life is pain, but love…love should be welcomed and embraced. Grab hold, every chance you get and cling to love so that you can be loved and in that love you will find peace.

Hearts break. Souls do not. Do not fear your heart being broken, let rather your soul be forever entwined with others…and do not limit the amount of others you allow in. For in each relationship is a new love…to be loved.

We sing “love hurts” as we run to fulfill our insecure promises. And even before the pain has reached us we start building our walls; working hard to protect our hearts against the one thing our souls actually need. Love. We scream “keep out” for fear that our heart will break…and it will…and it should. Hearts break. Souls do not. Love will break your heart but fill your soul when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Intimate.

Do not try and own your love for in doing so you will only be incomplete. Instead set your love free and know that when life moves relationships away your souls will forever be together. Connected. Comforted.

My heart will stop beating, of this I am sure. My soul will never part you, for it is a part of you and together we shall forever be connected.

You. Always you.

Intimacy