Our intimacy is so much more than sex. So much so that I don’t think it can be stopped. Even completely separated, severed from seeing, being, talking, texting the intimacy stays. That is what is so beautiful about our friendship…relationship…our love. As I lay in bed last night, reflecting on the beauty of our day and knowing that you were miles away, in an argument that would most likely put an end to our sexual intimacy…i could feel you. I was, once again, comforted by you, despite being alone…and I wanted so badly to be a comfort to you in your time of stress. A beautiful paradox. Complicated. Yes, so very complex and so very beautiful. Me wanting you and having you yet at the same time stepping back? Not back…not yet. I step to the side because that is what today requires. And my heart is full knowing that someday we will either rejoin each other physically or we will settle in to be the best of friends and in both we will fill each other with joy. We will comfort and laugh and cry and we will be.
Sex is an amazing expression of passion but not sex…that just might be even more intimate.
You can have love without passion and passion without love, as their defining characteristics are commitment and lust, but what about intimacy? Intimacy is the joining of commitment with passion to create a deeper connection than either love or lust can fulfill. Intimacy stands on it’s own…in all forms, everything, present or not, you. Always you.
Or perhaps intimacy is simply two souls recognizing their brokenness yet forever committed to each other, for each other. Perhaps it is all a dream.
And what of love? And why do we fear it? Why do we hold off on even saying the word? A fearful love is not. It’s something other…a failure in waiting…time ticking away the seconds towards inevitable pain. And yes, life is pain, but love…love should be welcomed and embraced. Grab hold, every chance you get and cling to love so that you can be loved and in that love you will find peace.
Hearts break. Souls do not. Do not fear your heart being broken, let rather your soul be forever entwined with others…and do not limit the amount of others you allow in. For in each relationship is a new love…to be loved.
We sing “love hurts” as we run to fulfill our insecure promises. And even before the pain has reached us we start building our walls; working hard to protect our hearts against the one thing our souls actually need. Love. We scream “keep out” for fear that our heart will break…and it will…and it should. Hearts break. Souls do not. Love will break your heart but fill your soul when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Intimate.
Do not try and own your love for in doing so you will only be incomplete. Instead set your love free and know that when life moves relationships away your souls will forever be together. Connected. Comforted.
My heart will stop beating, of this I am sure. My soul will never part you, for it is a part of you and together we shall forever be connected.
You. Always you.