miles apart 

Are we fools?

Should we be together? Should I beg you to be here? Should I promise forever?

Or should we listen to logic and reason and fear?

When I casually tell people about you and they instantly realize how much I love you it makes me wonder. 

It makes me love you more. 

And makes me want to run away. 

I’m afraid of hurting…both you and me. So my mind says to run…and my heart says to never break again…while my soul says “I am yours”. 

My body wants to be inside yours. But my world is a complex disaster. 

I want to grab your hand and run through fields like children in the sun. To catch fireflies together, when nightfall comes. To hold you close and wipe tears from your face as my eyes weep on their own…

Are these just dreams of the young? Has this world hardened us? Have we experienced to much pain to ever trust again?

I ask as though I am risking anything, when it’s you who has everything on the line; and I will not apologize for loving you. 

But I am sorry. 

I loved another first. And she has my children. 

Which leaves us miles apart. 

miles apart 

you wish i hated you

my mouth talks
my legs walk
fuck rhymes 

i’m an asshole
it’s all we agree on
because i don’t deny my faults
but keep running away
and i’ll help you on 

Bitch!

i made you feel
i finally made you feel
every word
the rejection i grant you
validates your pain 

i am your mother
your father
i am the reason you had to leave
i’m the next link on the chain
that your fingers slide past
on their way
to find the next one who will get
within arms length

only to
have you
have them
hurt you

so you can run away

Bitch!
it’s a gift i give
Bitch!

and you’ve waited so long
validation
confirmation

now you can blame me
for leaving me
goodbye

who’s the next victim to get:
to close to hurt
you!
to close to touch
you!
to close to cause
you
to run!

Bitch? 

you aren’t. but fuck it. we both feel better when we pretend you are. 

you wish i hated you

Stains

Tonight I made a sexual Cheetos joke to a 90 year old man sitting next to me at the bar…

“They are delicious but leave a stain…
…just like all the good ones” !!!!

He took his last handful, stood up and left.
No goodbyes. No words. No glances back.
With cane in hand he worked his way

away

slowly, methodically, and right out the front door.

while I asked Sarah for another round.

Stains

I should have said

I broke my heart
by falling in love
with a promise
forever
that never was real

And she left me standing
alone with my kids
drenched in pain
so much pain

“So you can just fuck yourself
right after you fuck me”

over

and over again

Words I should have said
from the moment she said
she was done

I’d be further along
or at least have a memory to smile about

And our children will suffer this pain. 

I should have said