miles apart 

Are we fools?

Should we be together? Should I beg you to be here? Should I promise forever?Or should we listen to logic and reason and fear?

When I casually tell people about you and
they instantly realize how much I love
you it makes me wonder.

It makes me love you more.
And makes me want to run away.

I’m afraid of hurting…both you and me. So my mind says to run…and my heart says to never break again…while my soul says “I am yours”.

My body wants to be inside yours. But my world is a complex disaster.
I want to grab your hand and run through fields like children in the sun.
To catch fireflies together, when nightfall comes. To hold you close and wipe tears from your face as my eyes weep on their own…

Are these just dreams of the young? Has this world hardened us? Have we experienced to much pain to ever trust again?

I ask as though I am risking anything, when it’s you who has everything on the line; and I will not apologize for loving you.

But I am sorry.
I loved another first. And she has my children.
Which leaves us miles apart.

miles apart 

you wish i hated you

my mouth talks
my legs walk
fuck rhymes 

i’m an asshole
it’s all we agree on
because i don’t deny my faults
but keep running away
and i’ll help you on 

Bitch!

i made you feel
i finally made you feel
every word
the rejection i grant you
validates your pain 

i am your mother
your father
i am the reason you had to leave
i’m the next link on the chain
that your fingers slide past
on their way
to find the next one who will get
within arms length

only to
have you
have them
hurt you

so you can run away

Bitch!
it’s a gift i give
Bitch!

and you’ve waited so long
validation
confirmation

now you can blame me
for leaving me
goodbye

who’s the next victim to get:
to close to hurt
you!
to close to touch
you!
to close to cause
you
to run!

Bitch? 

you aren’t. but fuck it. we both feel better when we pretend you are. 

you wish i hated you

Stains

Tonight I made a sexual Cheetos joke to a 90 year old man sitting next to me at the bar…

“They are delicious but leave a stain…
…just like all the good ones” !!!!

He took his last handful, stood up and left.
No goodbyes. No words. No glances back.
With cane in hand he worked his way

away

slowly, methodically, and right out the front door.

while I asked Sarah for another round.

Stains

I should have said

I broke my heart
by falling in love
with a promise
forever
that never was real

And she left me standing
alone with my kids
drenched in pain
so much pain

“So you can just fuck yourself
right after you fuck me”

over

and over again

Words I should have said
from the moment she said
she was done

I’d be further along
or at least have a memory to smile about

And our children will suffer this pain. 

I should have said

Someday

You can say that you love me and that I’m not alone. But everybody goes home eventually. And even when the gangs all here i know which of us doesn’t have a family to go home to.

It seems to me that all my ideas of maturity are falling apart. I recognize that our odds are slim and full of complications. so the “right” decision is to just be friends. Best friends. But then I love you. And I really do. And I realize that I don’t know how to stop.

It’s not in my nature.

So we tell each other to go out and fuck someone else so that we can start moving on…yet neither of us really want too. 

And I try to flirt and be friendly but every woman I meet instantly gets compared to you. And none of them are as smart or fun or talented or beautiful or kind…

And so every other day I look to book a flight to go see you. I long to be by your side. But I never purchase because that just delays us from moving on.

And then, why the fuck are we breaking up? I. Love. You. And isn’t that what matters most?

(Sigh)

It isn’t. Life matters as much as love. And children matter more. And I have to put my kids first and you should put your future in a place to have future children while I’m digging my heals in and saying “no more”.

And deep inside my soul screams to share the beauty of life with you…but I’ve loved and been burned before and will not bring in a child to be hurt by our shortcomings.

So we dream about maybes and someday…while reality gets in the way. 

Still…

we hope everything will change

But maybe you can find love and someday I can be happy as just a friend and really what’s important?

Holding you. Someday.

Someday

Not Your Presi…

Yes, he is your president. He’s my president. He’s the president of all Americans. The fact that he is misogynistic and narcissistic and racist and everything else does not change the fact that he is your president.

And you know why he is your president? Because we voted for him.

No. Not you. And certainly not I. But we. The people. So please, put down your Dump Trump signs and ask yourself? Is this pussy willing to grab back against all the Americans who voted for him?

Will this pussy grab back against a Democratic Party that put Hillary fucking Clinton as their nominee?

Will this pussy still be grabbing back if the economy improves? If that dick puts more money in your pussy pocket?

You don’t have to like him…hell, i’d judge you harshly if you did, but he is our president…and he deserves a chance to…

Oh who am I kidding.  Let’s burn this fucker down!

Not Your Presi…